How to Allure

I temporarily deleted my Facebook account this past saturday,  (for reasons I’ll get to later).  This most likely means that no will read this post unless I re-activate my account.  How then do I get folks clicking on M-Squared without the crutch of a social network? The last thing anyone wants is that e-mail alert reminding them of my new post.

The relationship between Facebook and I has gone sour.  I’m beginning to lose myself and identity through endless hours of updating and stalking other users.  During those hours of stalking,  I sometimes think that perhaps my life pales in comparison to the online avatars I’ve consider my peers, “friends” and “friends of friends”.

You see there once was a time when I could call myself unique, eccentric even. You know like a snowflake.  There were many aspects of my being that I contributed to who I was.  As I age, however, I realize that these passions, hobbies, quirks, books, and experiences have gotten lost in the trends of the modern world.  Now I’m just one of 264,475 fans who also “Like” listening to, watching, and practicing that thingamajig.

If I’m the same as every Tom, Dick and Harry out there—how do I get people to care about what I think? More importantly what I write.  I’m worried that perhaps what I have to say won’t stand out.  I fear that I am not fully able to allure people into my world of thought and testimony. Yoda once said, “Fear turns into ager and anger turns into suffering”.  I suppose in order to avoid suffering my lesson is to continue this blogging endeavor without fear, but with the desire to write and express myself openly to others.  To you.

In the meantime, I should probably practice my grammar, take more smutty photos and find another way to redirect people to this blog.

4 thoughts on “How to Allure

  1. Hey M,

    A couple of thoughts I wanted to share:

    1) At least for me, comparing oneself to others is not only impossible, but worse than useless and an assured path to suffering. Why? As cliche as it might sound, no two people start out with the same environemental influences, upbringing, personality idiosyncrasies, signature strengths and weaknesses, etc. Even assuming you could find a carbon copy of yourself, there is the (apparent) randomness of life events that influence how your life develops. As soon as you start playing the game of comparing yourself to others you are going to find people who are “better” or “further along” than you. This is fuel for the inner critic to step in and say to you, “see, you really do suck. If you had any talent you’d be living a life like so and so” If you let this go unchecked, you might give up whatever endeavor you were pursuing and resign to “being a failure” or “being untalented”. Such a shame, because if only one had allowed themselves to grow, patiently and persistently, a much different outcome would result.

    2) What is your motivation for writing? Are you writing for other people, or because you enjoy it purely for yourself? If you can honestly say that writing is enjoyable in and of itself, regardless of whether others read it or not, then you have an intrinsic or internal motivation, which is sustainable potentially for the rest of your life. You will write, and continue to write, and continue to write, because it makes you happy. It is its own reward. But if you are writing for an extrinsic or external reason, your motivation will yoyo between extremes and eventually die out because you are letting other people determine how you feel about your own practice. If no one comes to this blog, that allows the inner critic to pipe up again and be like “see? did you really think other people want to hear what you have to say? you should just give up right now. what’s the point! you’re not a writer” etc. etc. At least for me, the truth is that only an intrinsic motivation will assure progress in an endeavor.

    Now, don’t get me wrong! Even with an intrinsic motivation, one may still have a desire to share with others, get feedback, and perhaps even develop a reputation for whatever it is you’re doing. But you have to watch this very closely, and make sure that you are unattached to it, otherwise it becomes an extrinsic motivation and does not serve you. Focus on your own passion, your own joy, and focus on getting better and better at your craft. Patiently, persistently. Persistently, patiently. The results you desire are bound to come.

    oh! PS, Facebook is indeed a double edged sword. I came to this page through it, and your other friends probably do too — we want to know what’s up in your world! But yeah, without any boundaries, it can overrun your mind and become a waste of time and energy. But I believe there is a Middle Way for using it productively and healthily.

    Love
    N

    • Nathan,

      I see several days of silent meditation has given you much say, (write) in response to my somewhat provoking post. I value your thoughts and thank you for your insight.

      M

  2. Hi Ms. M&M

    I will follow the list format used above to keep me on track.

    1. Go on a FB diet. Slowly ween yourself off of it. I’m not sure how often you are on but cut that amount in half and then keep cutting. Also, don’t link it to your phone. I personally limit my FB usage to once a day and try not to stay on for more than 30min. I think it can cause a lot of anxiety. Sometimes I don’t go on for days at a time just to take a break. When I was traveling, I too, deleted my account, because I wanted to be free but I realized that A. you can never completely delete your fb account and B. Its about discipline. It was of course way easier to not go on much while traveling but I had to just see fb as something that exists but that I really shouldn’t engage in on a consistent basis. Kinda like junk food. C. my friends at home and friends on the road wanted to know where i was and how I was doing.

    2. There are lots of ways that you can increase your readership. One of the best suggestions I’ve read is to not be shy. If you visit a blog and you like the photos or the writing, then comment and the person is likely to come and visit your blog. Again, I don’t know a lot about word press but google has devices where you can see how many people viewed your page. It is comforting to know that even though people aren’t commenting that they are reading. My intention is not sell you a blogger account but to research ways to increase your readership. I personally don’t have my fb linked to my blog because I want people who could appreciate it to sort of find it and explore it and I think those people primarily exist in the blogger world. I think that blogging is a great way for you to exercise your writing. Try to write everyday or every other day. Readers like consistency. Put your energy into being active in your blog. Honestly, write for yourself. If no one reads it you have a chronicle of your written works. If people read it icing on the cake. I have your page bookmarked on my computer and visit regularly. There are some blogs that I come across that are so inspiring and they make me want to be more crafty, or write better or become a better photographer but all these possibilities are so exciting.

    3.I really respect that you are so honest with yourself and with your friends/ “friends” . I think that you are an amazing lady. I don’t know you well and the extent of our friendship has been primarily web based, however, you are interesting, unique and talented. I think you are very creative and you have an amazing spirit. Keep at it!!! Nurture your spirit!

    • Monique,

      You’re wonderful! I’m definitely into the advice given above in your well-written format. 😉

      I really enjoy blogging. Turns out that I’ve been journaling for as long as I can remember, but my journals are personal and not meant for the public. Having a blog, however, is a refreshing change of the game. This is an enjoyable way to keep in touch with friends I don’t see or correspond with everyday—dear friends like you. It’s also a wonderful tool for an aspiring writer like myself. A harmonious blend of writing for myself and others in hopes that we all walk away more connected.

      As for facebook. I think we’ve turned a new leaf and have a harmonious relationship once again. Truth be told, I really don’t suffer so much from any of it. I just like to over-vocalize and analyze my feelings to see how others respond communicatively….

      Thanks for reading. Stay fabulous and keep shinning–I miss you!

      Love,
      M

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