*The chart above represents my current state of biorhythms. According to this chart my emotional and intellectual curve is reaching its maximum low point around the 20th of October.
As I age, I find it more difficult to distinguish the difference between love, and lust. I’m being serious. Within the duration of my life I’ve seen lust change its hat many times. It can be tender. Strong. Lust can be venerable and selfless. With this confusion I find myself lost in the translation of the two.
I heard an actress in a depressing movie say, “love is like a flower—withering as I reach to touch it”. Maybe I just don’t know what love is–only watered-down versions. Versions full of doubt and entanglement. Rage and suspicion.
The trouble is, I don’t feel like searching for this love everyone speak of. I’m getting bored with the whole idea of it “finding me”. I’d rather be lost. Besides, I am aware of the phases. I’ve seen Happy marriages and broken homes. Blessing ways, and bachelorette parties with bottomless mimosas. I’ve seen love in the flesh. I’ve seen it work its magic and charm, but it does not charm me. I am jaded. Now more than ever. My biorhythms should explain that.